It didn’t cross my mind that I could be pregnant when I went to my work Christmas party. My colleagues were low-key alcoholics so I had planned on consuming large amounts of alcohol that night.
I actually remember I was feeling a bit off that night and getting some stomach pain. One of my colleagues wives who was at the party was a nurse and we briefly discussed that the benign cyst I recently discovered in my ovaries could be what was making me feel unwell. One colleague joked that I could be pregnant and we laughed and laughed and then drank more wine.
The party was another usual messy night for my work crew. There was lots of booze, a bit of skinny dipping and spewing, a couple fighting and a girl trying to lick everyone. Just another standard work party. I went home that night pretty buzzed.
It was a long weekend and Monday came around quickly as expected. I was in bed unwell thinking I was suffering the longest hangover ever. Then the cramps started. Surely I wasn’t getting my period yet? The cramps got worse. Much worse. I was crippled over in pain and could not think of a time I had period cramps anywhere near as painful as these. My cyst came to mind and I got to the point where I couldn’t handle it anymore and got my partner to drive me to the hospital.
When we got to the hospital I answered a bunch of questions from the nurses and peed in a cup for them. I then went through to see the doctor, got asked the same questions again, had my stomach poked and prodded (of course my pains had stopped by then) and then we waited for a long, long time. We wondered whether the doctor went to have his morning tea and forgot about us.
My partner was not in a good mood. He hated hospitals because the year before he had a collapsed lung and was in 3 different hospitals for 2 weeks. Let’s just say he had a horrible experience and we would have a strong case to sue if we could have been bothered. So there he was looking at his phone, even though ‘this hospital has shit reception!’.
We were contemplating walking out when doctor finally came back. I still remember the words that came out of the doctor’s mouth, ‘you know you’re pregnant, right?’. No, of course we didn’t know. I looked over at my partner and he was staring at his phone. ‘Did you hear that?’ I asked. ‘Yeah’, is all he had to say. No reaction! None at all! There I was freaking out, about to have a heart attack, thinking he finally got what he wanted and he couldn’t even care less! I was furious!
The doctor went on to tell us that there was concerns that I was having an ectopic pregnancy and that was why I was in so much pain. I had never heard of an ectopic pregnancy before so for those of you that also don’t know – an ectopic pregnancy is when a fetus is growing in an area that is not your uterus, usually in a Fallopian tube. The doctor sent me off to have an ultrasound and told me to come back the next day.
I went home, confused and not sure how to feel. I was 4 weeks pregnant, but if it was ectopic then it was very possible that I could lose the baby. I googled the shit out of ectopic pregnancies which just scared me even more. My partner didn’t seem to have an opinion on the subject which I wonder now if it was just his way of not setting himself up for disappointment but either way, we couldn’t be happy for this pregnancy until we knew what was going on.
I went back to the hospital the next day. The doctors had looked at my ultrasound and said that it was too early to see the fetus. They sent me home and told me to come back again if I was in excruciating pain. So I went home. I was off work ‘sick’ and was trying to think up what I could tell people was wrong with me when I went back to work. I obviously wasn’t ready to reveal the truth until I knew myself.
The pains continued and the next day, sure enough, I was back in the hospital. At the time I kept thinking that it felt like contractions. Obviously I had never had a baby before but that was the only way I could describe the pain. I look back now after haven given birth and 100% think that’s what it was. Yep, it was that painful.
The hospital vists continued over the next week and I ended up going to another hospital in the next city to see a gynecologist. After waiting 4 hours he felt my tummy and said he didn’t see any problems. The weekend came and I visited our local hospital for the last time. It was 2 in the morning, I had been up all night with pains so bad that they were making me vomit. My partner was not pleased to be woken up to drive me down there but he did because I made him. It was there that I finally saw a doctor that told me what I needed to hear.
He was a hard ass with an Irish accent and he didn’t have time for my shit. I told him the history and explained my torturous pains and he simply responded with ‘Pregnancy hurts, it’s completely normal to get pains’. I’m sorry, WHAT? So I had been going back and forth to hopistal, freaking out over having an ectopic pregnancy, seeing 100 different doctors scaring the shit out of me as to what could be happening and now you tell me it’s NORMAL? Why the fuck did no one tell me that in the first place!
It had now been a week since I found out I was pregnant and I could finally decide how I felt about this pregnancy. Except, I still had reservations as it was still possible that the pregnancy was ectopic, only now it was less likely, so I still didn’t want to be happy about it just yet.
I wasn’t exactly ready to have a baby, I had wanted to wait a bit longer, but I didn’t think I’d ever forgive myself if I was to abort the pregnancy. Each to their own with abortions, it’s just not for me. So we decided to keep the baby and I told myself I would wait the 12 weeks to make sure the little cherub was healthy before I started telling people or made any plans.